Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
