Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The feeling are messing with the penis
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
