I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
