im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
