1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
