Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
