One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
sarcasm needs its own font
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
