I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Randomize
