ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
