so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
