They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
