she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize