Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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