What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My ass is underappreciated
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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