we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
