I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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