I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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