Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
