I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
