On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
