it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Randomize