it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
im holly from the hills drunk
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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