I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
