I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I believe in your delicious
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
