I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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