I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
