how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
