dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
