Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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