Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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