508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
