I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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