is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
