He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
be right there i have to get my cape
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
