the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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