I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
