Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
