Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
