Im at strip club and am horny
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I need to sanitize my soul.
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