I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize