lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
