if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
