Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
