i would punch a child for taco bell
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
