you guys were way drunker than both of me
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
