Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
