quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize