I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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