Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
