You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
