apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize