remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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