I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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