i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
