I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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