ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
