Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
