how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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