Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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