Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
