i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
