Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
