and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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