Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
