I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
