Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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