hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I don't deserve a penis
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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