and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
