Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
