Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
