If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
