My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize