We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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