she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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