This is not my ceiling
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
