drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
