The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
