Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
