this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
