The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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