one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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