You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
