Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
