I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize