dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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