I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
