He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
