did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
