I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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