New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
