Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
