At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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