I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize