I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
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