I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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