and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
