whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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