i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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