Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
