fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize