He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
