Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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