It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
and she was petting her beer can
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
