I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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