i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I got inside last night via doggy door
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
