So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
