Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
